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Have you ever caught yourself asking the same question over and over again and getting nowhere?
I have been there. Sitting in my car, staring at the mountains, frustrated to no end, asking:
“Why can’t I figure this out?”
Here is the thing: That question was not leading me toward a solution. It was only focusing on the problem, my limitations, my blocks, and my stuckness. The moment I shifted my question to “What would it look like to get creative with a solution?” everything changed. I started getting the answers I was truly looking for.
Why the Questions We Ask Matter
Questions are powerful. The way we frame them determines where our focus and energy goes.
Ask problem-focused questions and you will keep circling the problem. Ask solution-focused questions and you will start seeing new possibilities.
Think about this with your family. Instead of asking, “Why is your laundry on the floor again?” (problem), what if you asked, “What would make it easier for you to get your laundry in the hamper?” (solution).
That tiny shift leads to better answers and a whole lot less frustration.
Problem or Solution – A Game Changing Mantra
In my marriage and parenting, my husband and I often remind each other with three simple words:“Problem or solution?”
If a conversation is spiraling into complaint mode, we use this phrase as a loving nudge to reframe the conversation. Instead of “I do not know what to do,” the focus becomes:
“What can I do differently?”
“What would make this easier or more fun?”
“What small step could shift the outcome?”
Even our kids respond to this. “I am hungry” quickly turns into “Hey Mom, can I please have a snack?” The right question leads to the right answer.
The Question That Changed My Self Awareness
One of the most impactful questions I have asked myself for nearly a decade is: “Where am I at?”
This simple daily question helps me check in with my emotions, my energy, and my mindset.
It started during marriage counseling as a tool for better communication with my husband. I realized that if I could not name where I was emotionally or mentally, how could I expect him or anyone else to understand me?
Asking “Where am I at?” has deepened my self-awareness, improved my communication, and helped me align my energy with what I actually want to create in my life.
The 3 Step Formula for Asking Better Questions
During a recent mastermind call with powerhouse leaders, we unpacked the how of asking better questions. Here is the formula we landed on:
Recognize the question you are asking. Is it problem-focused or solution-focused?
Ask yourself “Where am I at?” Get clear on your emotional state.
Identify the desired result. What outcome do you truly want?
From there, you can reframe your question into something that actually opens the door to solutions.
Real Life Example of the Formula in Action
Problem question: “Why doesn't anyone else care about this project?”
Check in: You are likely feeling frustrated and unsupported.
Desired result: You want collaboration and help.
Better question: “Who can help me with this project?” or “Why is this project so important to me?”
This subtle shift turns frustration into possibility.
The Challenge for You
This week, I challenge you to ask at least one better question. Whether it is in your business, marriage, or personal life, see how a small reframe can change your perspective and your results.
Remember:
Better questions lead to better answers.
The shift from “problem or solution?” changes everything.
Self-awareness starts with “Where am I at?”
I’d love to hear what questions you're asking and brainstorm how you could change them to start unlocking more possibilities in your life. Email me (brittney@brittneytollinchi.com) or DM me on IG. Let’s talk about what it looks like for you to ask better questions and to get better answers!
-Britt
P.S. If you want guided support in reconnecting to yourself, your purpose, and your next move, I’m working with a few private clients right now through custom coaching programs. If you’re ready to meet the version of you on the other side of your breakthrough, start here or fill out the inquiry form below.
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**You’re made for more—let’s explore what that looks like, together. 💛 I'd love to hear about the possibilities you're ready to explore! Email me directly at brittney@brittneytollinchi.com
