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I can’t stop thinking about one moment from this week’s podcast conversation with Dr. Emily Jacobs.
She said: “My mom used to say, ‘I gave up my life for you.’”
Not in anger. Not in resentment. Just as a matter-of-fact statement. One that landed—and lingered.
And it made me think about how many women carry that same quiet ache.
We give, serve, lead, sacrifice.
We pour ourselves out...until we can’t even hear our own thoughts anymore.
It starts young. We learn to please. We learn to prove. We learn to keep the peace.
But here’s the thing: overgiving is not a personality trait.
It’s a learned pattern—and at some point, it becomes a form of self-sabotage.
What We Don’t Realize About Overgiving
Sometimes, overgiving doesn’t feel like a problem.
It feels like love.
It feels like purpose.
It feels like being “the dependable one.”
Until it doesn’t.
Until the anxiety creeps in.
Until the resentment builds.
Until the voice in your head says, I don’t even know who I am anymore.
On the podcast, Emily shared how this pattern started crushing her in her 30s—when she realized she couldn’t change her mom. And trying to save someone else was slowly dismantling her.
That moment forced her to ask a hard question:
👉 “Why am I choosing this belief?”
👉 “And what would it look like to choose differently?”
Boundaries Aren’t Just About Saying No
They’re about saying yes to something better.
They’re about choosing rest without guilt.
Saying no without shame.
And letting go of the emotional responsibility to fix, save, or prove.
Emily said it perfectly:
“Self-sacrifice can become self-sabotage. And that’s when we get stuck in victim mode—and start calling it normal.”
If you’ve ever been praised for being the one who holds it all together...
If your peace feels like a luxury instead of a non-negotiable...
If you’ve been silently resenting the life you chose...
Then maybe it’s time to choose something different.
Start Small. Get Curious.
You don’t need to overhaul your life.
But you do need to pause long enough to hear yourself again.
So ask:
What am I not getting that I need?
What belief am I still choosing that no longer serves me?
What would peace and freedom look like on my terms?
Even a 15-minute shift (like Emily and I both shared in the episode) can change everything.
Because the truth is, transformation is usually not as painful as staying stuck.
And on the other side?
You don’t just reclaim your time…
You reclaim you.
🎧 Listen to the episode: [The Pain of Overgiving. The Power of Choosing Different]
Or wherever you get your podcasts.
💬 Reflection Prompt:
What’s one belief, habit, or expectation you're ready to unchoose this season?
You got this friend.
-Britt
Connect with Emily:
***Come Join the 3rd Live Empowered Moms Event on Oct 5th in Detroit*** Click Here for Early Bird Pricing!
IG - https://www.instagram.com/dremilyjacobs/
website - https://empoweredmoms.co/
Grab the bestselling book, Live Your Life For You (Not Your Mom) -https://amzn.to/3iZCV2V
Want some additional resources?
**Let’s Chat! Complete an Inquiry here and we’ll connect!
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✨ The Purpose-Driven Business Launchpad: A proven, step-by-step framework to go from idea → validation → ready-for-clients business. (Yes, even if you’re still working full-time.)
Let’s make your next year the one where everything starts to align.
**You’re made for more—let’s explore what that looks like, together. 💛 I'd love to hear about the possibilities you're ready to explore! Email me directly at brittney@brittneytollinchi.com
